Making the World a Kinder Place
An interview with Orly Wahba
By Ruti Eastman
“…Hillel says: Be among the disciples of Aaron, loving peace and pursuing peace, loving people…” ~ Pirkei Avot 1:12
Orly Wahba is an educator, entrepreneur, and community activist who is passionate about inspiring and motivating people to make the world a kinder place. In 2011, Orly founded Life Vest Inside, a non-profit organization with a mission to empower and unite the world with kindness. Through Life Vest Inside, Orly encourages people to embrace the incredible power of giving and to recognize that in times of hardship, kindness—like a life vest—keeps the world afloat.
Unorthoboxed: I just started reading Kindness Boomerang: How to Save the World (and Yourself) Through 365 Daily Acts. Like Pirkei Avot and the writings of Moshe Chaim Luzzatto (the Ramchal), the ideas only seem simple. They are very deep and potentially life-changing. Why did you write the book, and why in this style?
Orly Wahba: The Kindness Boomerang concept began when I was a middle school teacher. Kindness, compassion and empathy were concepts I taught to my students on a daily basis. I started a project with my students called “Acts of Kindness” cards. I wanted my students to realize that an act of kindness isn’t a one-time action. You can empower someone by being kind to them, and then the next interaction they have that day will supercharge another person, and then another, and another… The ripple effects are endless. On the front of the card was a simple act of kindness, and on the back it said “Please perform the act of kindness and then pass the card onto someone else.”
When you give somebody something specific to do, you’re increasing their awareness. Too often we’re busy with our hectic lives, in our “iWorld” looking down at our phones and failing to engage with people. I wanted my students to realize that each and every one of us makes a difference, and even a small action can create an impact on other people’s lives.
One card said, “Hold the door open for someone.” The very next day, the student came to class, beyond excited. “Orly, you’re not going to believe what happened to me! The moment after you gave me this card, everywhere I looked, there were doors that needed to be opened!” I laughed and said, “Those doors were there yesterday and the day before. What’s happening is that your awareness has increased. You’re able to seize those moments.”
The Kindness Boomerang book is broken down into twelve categories of kindness: kindness in the home, in the workplace, with strangers, with your family, at school… The first category in the book is Kindness with Yourself, because when we are kind to ourselves and love ourselves, it’s easy to love others for who they are. The book is broken down into 365 days, because kindness is a 365-day-a-year event. Each day comes with an act of kindness and an inspirational quote. There’s a short reflection on the power of paying it forward, showing you how you can easily implement that act of kindness, and the effects that action can have on others. Reading one page a day keeps it easy. Kindness needs to be a daily practice.
Unorthoboxed: Like an exercise program.
Orly Wahba: Exactly. You’re training yourself. More than anything, you’re training your eyes to see the good in the world, to see the opportunities you have to be part of that good. Hold the door open for someone. Help your mom with the groceries.
People use the term chesed. The term translates as “kindness,” and people say, “Oh, yeah, I do chesed, I volunteer in an old age home or in a soup kitchen.” I’m not putting down those actions. Those are fantastic actions. But is that person kind? Imagine a person who goes to work at a soup kitchen, and as they walk out, they bump into someone they don’t especially like, stare that person up and down, and give them a look that could kill. Is that person a kind person, or are they just doing their “act of kindness,” checking it off their to-do list? It needs to be who we are. That’s why Avraham is known as “Ish haChesed,” the man of kindness, because he lived kindness. His tent was open on all sides. It was a 365-day, 360-degree kind of work.
Unorthoboxed: You have an innate ability to feel the pain of other people, not just to be empathetic toward them, but to feel a need to help the world to heal. What is the history of this intense understanding of the emotional needs of others?
Orly Wahba: Wanting to spread kindness in the world started when I was four years old. I loved Torah from a young age, and was always hoping for Mashiach. My brothers used to poke fun at me. I would sing all these songs having to do with unity and kindness. My family thought I was nuts. “Okay, Orly, you’re so naive, you think you’re going to change the world. Grow up.”
When I was 15 years old, I went into a deep depression. I lost all my self-confidence. I was very shy and super-reserved. Then, when I was a senior, a rabbi was talking about obstacles, and I raised my hand. I finally felt I had something to contribute to the conversation. And suddenly, these kids I used to be so super-intimidated by were listening to me and coming to me afterwards to ask me for advice. And what I found was that the more I gave, the more I started to heal.
I decided to become a teacher. I love kids. Kids are the key to everything. They are so amazing, because they still dream of a better world. They’re not bogged down with the cynicism that people have when they get older. Instead of crushing kids’ dreams that the world can be different, we need to encourage them, and allow them to remind us that we also had those dreams. We can come together and fix the world.
I boarded a plane minutes after hearing about the passing of a six-year-old girl in our community. How devastating! How can we stay afloat in a world that seems always to be pulling us downward? I suddenly saw a sign that said, “LIFE VEST INSIDE,” and it gave me the idea that there is a “life vest” inside each of us. The message I took from that sign is that your life vest is inside the Torah. If you have a question in your life, if you are having a problem, you open up the Torah, your answer is right there. Hashem is talking to you. When we would learn a passage of Torah, I would have my students bring out their Life Vest Inside journals, and I would ask them, “What was Hashem trying to tell you in that passage? What problem is going on in your life, and how did He answer it?”
When I looked into the Torah, there was one very prominent message, and that was chesed, kindness. That is how the Life Vest Inside initiative started. We all have that life vest inside us, made of the kindness we do for others and the kindness others do for us. And then, suddenly, after making the Kindness Boomerang film in my summer off from teaching, that four-year-old kid started dreaming again. I said to myself, “Orly, you remember what your original goal was? To unify the world with kindness, to bring Mashiach, to usher in that time? Now is the time.”
Unorthoboxed: With over 35 million views, it is hard to believe there are still people who haven’t heard about Life Vest Inside, but I know that it’s true as I am always introducing people to your Kindness Boomerang video. I still cry when we get to the part of the young woman giving flowers to the elderly woman dining alone. What caused you to create this brilliant and inspiring film?
Orly Wahba: It always amazes me the film has made such a crazy impact, beyond what I imagined, but very much what I hoped for. I knew nothing about technology. I created the film in my summer off; I had my students helping me. I created the Life Vest Inside organization to shake the foundations of the world with kindness.
I cry from the messages I get on YouTube. I get messages from people in their twenties who say, “Oh my goodness! This film had such an impact on me when I was a kid. It used to make me cry. I watched it all the time, and now I stumbled on it again after ten years. I can’t tell you how much a difference it’s made in my life.”
A teenager was on the brink of committing suicide. Somebody sent him this film. He realized that he does really matter, and that there is something he can do in the world that matters. We had a long conversation, and he told me that seeing the video at that moment saved his life.
Every single action in that film represents small actions we can do, and none of them require money. Giving from your pocket is nice. But if you’re walking
down the street and you give a homeless person a dollar, I can guarantee you that if you stop for a moment and ask them their name and engage them in a couple of minutes of conversation, it will last a lot longer than that dollar. All the person is looking for is just to be seen. They want to feel like they matter.
All the film shows is people seeing each other. There’s no dialogue! It’s all communicated through the eyes. Every scene in that film is based on personal experiences. You mentioned the scene of the old woman at the table who received the flowers. She was based on someone that I know. She was a teacher. All her life, she gave to her students, and she never took time for herself. As a result, she got married at a late age. She couldn’t wait to have kids. Her husband gave her a charm bracelet with three charms: one for every child they planned and hoped to have.
Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to have children. The day that she was sitting at that restaurant was a year after her husband’s passing. And there she is sitting, with her charm bracelet, and she sees another woman sitting across from her with her grandkids, giving gifts and smiling. In that moment, she never felt more alone. And here comes this young girl that doesn’t know her from a hole in the wall. But she saw a piece of herself in that older woman, and engaged with her by giving her those flowers. It wasn’t the flowers. It was the act of saying, “I see you.” Giving means taking the time to see someone, to be present with someone, to allow them to be seen and heard and loved, to feel like they matter.
Unorthoboxed: What guidelines would you give to those of us who want to help others to value themselves?
Orly Wahba: The first step to help others to value themselves is to turn the question on yourself. Do you value who you are? Do you love who you are? If you’re going to inspire from a place of strength, from a place of abundance, from a positive place of giving, you need to recognize that you matter, that you also make a difference. With your flaws, with your mistakes.
The most important thing as you’re working on this practice of empowering others to fall in love with themselves, you need to see others, to really see people. If we can try to train ourselves to take a second to see ourselves in others, suddenly the way in which we engage with them becomes very different. To help people to truly love themselves they have to feel that when you are looking at them, you see that beauty in them, you see that spark of God in them.
I taught 8th grade students. There’s lots of drama in that middle school age. When I spoke to them, I remembered what it felt like to be their age. One of my former students had gone through high school, and now her sister was in middle school. She called me and she said, “Orly, I gotta ask you. How did you listen to us when we were that age? They’re talking about all these problems that are not even important, about school, about tests, about this girl who did this to me… I can’t listen to my sister anymore…” I said to her, “It was important to me because it was important to you.”
You can empower someone by being kind to them, and then the next interaction they have that day will supercharge another person, and then another, and another… The ripple effects are endless.
– Orly Wahba
Every person is another piece of the puzzle. Every piece of a puzzle may be a different color, a different shape, but they’re all important to the picture as a whole. The key is to be present in the moment, to look at people’s eyes. This is a simple thing to make a person feel noticed and valued. Not looking at our phones when we’re talking to somebody. If you’re at a wedding, look at the person you’re talking to instead of looking for the next person to talk to. Be present in the moment with each person, because God values them. Shouldn’t you value them?
Unorthoboxed: You have spoken about your two years of falling in love with yourself after your depression, not seeking others’ validation. That is so powerful, and speaks to UNORTHOBOXED’s mission. Just out of curiosity, why didn’t you look forward to your birthday?
Orly Wahba: My mom recounts to me this story. “Orly, when you were four years old and it was your birthday and you were turning five, you would cry that you didn’t want to get older.” I never wanted to lose that innocence of childhood, being able to see the world through the eyes of a child. That’s why I always say I’m going to stay forever nine years old. Life can sometimes beat that innocence out of us, can steal it away from us. But the truth of the matter is, if you want to change the world, you have to look at the world through the eyes of a child. I always wanted to hold onto that youthful energy, that youthful spirit.
I think another reason is that I have always been afraid of running out of time. There’s so much I want to accomplish in my life. Time is the greatest commodity that we have, and it has an expiration date.
It’s such an important thing, to fall in love with you for you, regardless of other
people validating you. You have inherent value just because you exist.
Unorthoboxed: What do you love best about being a Jewish woman?
Orly Wahba: Every Shabbat, as I light the candles, I thank Hashem for several things. I thank Him for giving me another Shabbat here in Israel, specifically in Jerusalem. And I thank Him for making me a part of the Jewish nation. I cannot imagine my life not being Jewish. It’s my entire identity. I feel very blessed, because I feel a part of something much bigger than myself. It’s like you’re connected to a sisterhood. You’re there for each other. When one Jewish woman connects with another Jewish woman on another side of the world, whether they know each other or they don’t, magic happens. I’ve seen that take place in my life, and especially living here.
I made aliyah officially in March of 2020, right when COVID started. I got here originally in March of 2018 for a year-long adventure. I ended up staying because maybe my zivug (life partner) is here, and also if I am able to bring an energy of kindness and positivity into a region that is known as an area of a lot of tension, then the rest of the world will be easy.
Over the past couple years of living here, I started working on a new project, the Abraham’s Legacy Tehillim app. The #MyTehillimTime Jewish Women’s Virtual Festival, where we connected women all over the world, the relationships that have been built, the friendships, the solidarity—it’s something incredible. Women have a tremendous power to unify. There is a natural empathy, a natural compassion, in the heart of a woman. That doesn’t mean that men don’t have empathy and compassion. But there’s an added dose of this higher-level spirituality that exists within women. And when women unify and come together, they can truly move mountains.
Unorthoboxed: One of the things you say about the Abraham’s Legacy app, named to honor your grandfather’s memory, is that saying Tehillim for others is a team sport. Would you share any special stories about how Abraham’s Legacy has touched lives?
Orly Wahba: This has been truly an amazing journey. The emails that I’ve received from women (and men) all over the world, sharing how they never connected to Tehillim, they never even connected to prayer. And somebody sent them this link, and they now feel connected to Jewish people around the world, people sharing that they have created groups to learn about Tehillim… I have received so many stories of how the event has touched their hearts.
Everyone wants to feel that they have a purpose. Nobody wants to feel like if they’re not here tomorrow, it wouldn’t make a difference. The truth is that the world needs every single one of us in order to function. Every one of us has a part to play. The messages from these women say, “I am part of something bigger than myself, I matter, and I don’t want to be the missing puzzle piece.” And: “Since I’m saying Tehillim, since I’m participating in these classes, my sense of faith, and my faith in myself has increased, and suddenly, things are changing around me.”
When your sense of self improves, when you are feeling confident, you put out positive energy, and we human beings are magnets, we draw to ourselves what we put out. So if we’re putting out positive energy and we’re feeling good, feeling uplifted, feeling empowered, what we draw to ourselves is people and circumstances and events that make us feel more empowered and more inspired and more valued. That’s the boomerang effect.
Unorthoboxed: One of the things I loved best about the #MyTehillimTime Jewish Women’s Virtual Festival is that you offered a month’s worth of teachers of different ages, different styles and, most importantly, different religious approaches. It was about learning what different women have to offer, not about teaching one “right” way of thinking.
Orly Wahba: They say “Shivim panim l’Torah,” there are 70 faces to the Torah. We had 29 different speakers. All we were talking about was Tehillim! Yet each one had their own approach. The purpose of this was so that the 1,400 women who signed up could realize that each one could have her own approach. It allows people to open up and embrace one another for however they get to that path.
It says in the Amidah: Elokei Avraham, Elokei Yitzchak, Elokei Ya’akov. The God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob. Why was this word Elokei used three times? What we learn is that Avraham found God in his own way. And Yitzchak didn’t follow God because Avraham, his father, did. He had his own connection. and Yaakov had his own connection. We each develop our own connection with God, because when you find your own connection, no one can take that from you.
We all have to go through periods of darkness, but these dark moments allow us to forge and develop a connection with God that is ours. It was only when I went through my very severe depression that I made God mine. And once He became mine, nobody can take Him from me. That allows me to be open to so many different people from so many different parts of the world. Whether
they’re religious, not religious, whether they’re Jewish, not Jewish, I don’t have fear that somebody else’s ideologies and philosophies are going to influence me, that they’re going to take me away from that connection.
Why is there animosity? Forget about different religions. Even within the Jewish religion, why is there so much divisiveness? It’s all got to do with fear. If you believe enough in what you believe, you’re not afraid that somebody else’s thoughts are going to influence you. Then you’re free to be open and embrace others and recognize that this one took this path and that one took that path, and he took a little detour here, but you can respect it. We can never say, “My way is the only right way.”
God loves us for who we are. He only asks us to love others for who they are, and to leave the judging to Him. That is the purpose of why we had all these different women from different backgrounds, women that would never necessarily connect with one another. But we were all there, speaking a language of love, a language of unity, a language of prayer.
We got to see the beauty in the different colors that make up Am Yisrael (the people of Israel). If we all looked the same, it wouldn’t be such a beautiful picture. As we connect with people from different countries, with different ideas, our judgments start going down. We are all different instruments, and together, we create this incredible symphony. Every sound is important, even the most subtle. Hashem is the Conductor. He doesn’t want us to just shout out our part of the music, to make our instrument the loudest. He wants us to hear each other, to work together to create this beautiful symphony.
To follow or to help support the important work of Orly Wahba, visit Life Vest Inside. As Orly says, “I answer every single message. I believe if a person sends a message, they deserve a response. After all, everything I do is connected to people. How can I say that I love people, but not respond to them?”
