How does one define the relationship before marriage? And what happens when the worst unthinkable thing does happen? Sadly, many girls (and a few boys) become “widowed” when their partner is killed during their IDF service. These girls have no official status, after all, they are “just” the girlfriend. And so, the idea for this non-profit organization was born.

Phyllis Heimowitz made Aliyah with her husband and son in the late 1960s following the Six Day War. She raised a beautiful family including two more children, both daughters. In September of 1997, Phyllis’s 22-year-old daughter Michal became engaged to IDF officer Lt. Avi Book, who was also 22. The couple had known each other since they were in grade school, literally grown up together and now, fallen in love, ready to begin a life together. 

Though young, Avi was the commander of a group of combat soldiers whose mission was to guard the northern border with Lebanon, protecting Israel from terrorist infiltrations. While making the rounds to check on his group, he was killed by a mortar shell fired at his position. 

Michal was left in indescribable pain. She lost her Avi without warning, just a few months shy of the wedding date. She had no real recognition or care from the Ministry of Defense because they were not yet married – the ministry provides significant help to family members, but not girlfriends. She felt that no one she spoke to, including therapists, could understand what she was going through.

Phyllis saw her daughter in pain, and after consulting with her sister, thought of trying to create a support group for girls in the same situation. After seeing the success and progress Michal made, the family had to make a decision.

Should they just be happy that Michal was doing better, or should they continue and help many others as well?

Phyllis, together with Michal’s older sister Tamar, decided to start the “Non-Profit Organization for the Emotional Support of Fiancés of Fallen Soldiers of the IDF” better known as the Girlfriends of Fallen IDF Soldiers (GFIDF). Their goal was to help those who were forgotten in tragedy: the “widows without a ring”.  

Phyllis and Tamar were soon joined by Rina Cohen, a woman who had lost her boyfriend in the Yom Kippur War. Rina, speaking from personal experience, felt that the mourning girlfriends and fiancés often did not want to feel like a burden to anyone, which led to many of them not showing their true feelings. The GFIDF meetings and support groups allow for these women to grieve however they need to and to release any and all emotions they may have felt hesitant to show. Things that might be considered ‘excessive’ are quite normal and accepted in the groups – from wearing the dead soldier’s clothes, to sleeping in his bed, to playing his voice messages over and over, etc.

One woman this incredible organization has helped is Susi Doring Preston, an American woman who fell in love with Israeli soldier Tsiki Eyal. Susi, not Jewish, was teaching English for the Peace Corps in Thailand, and Tsiki was visiting there on vacation. They met one evening, and despite the hardships, decided they would try to become a couple. Susi came to Israel to meet Tsiki’s family, and they started to plan the rest of their lives: they would both go to graduate school in Israel, Susi would convert to Judaism and make Aliyah, then they would get married. Soon after her visit to Israel, Tsiki was killed in service. Susi was left in mourning without official recognition of her loss. Susi