Kids & Technology

Mar 5, 2023 | Motherhood and Parenting

Written by Gila Ross

The scene is familiar. You try speaking to your kid and hear a grunt in response, you turn around and you see that they are totally engrossed in their device. You call them again, again you hear a grunt. Finally you get super close to them and say, “It’s time to switch that off”. Eventually, your kid looks up, screams at you, “But I need to finish”. If you insist that they switch it off, invariably your kid explodes. 

The good news: You’re not alone.

The better news: It can change…but only if you change things up. Let’s look at three changes that you can make that will have a massive effect on how technology and screen time are showing up in your family.

1. Let’s get confident about screen time

In many homes the younger generation are much more comfortable and knowledgeable about how to use their phones, iPads, tablets, video games, social media, etc. than their parents. They are much more comfortable around technology than the older generation, and both parents and kids know this.

As parents we know that there need to be limits around screen time, we know that there are dangers involved with our kids’ use of technology. Oftentimes, though, when the kids turn around and ask “But why?” parents are hard pressed to give kids an answer that satisfies them. When the kids push their parents on this and explain why what they are doing is safe, parents often don’t know enough to respond to our kids.

Our kids are smart, they know when we know our stuff and when we are bluffing. We need to figure out for ourselves what are the risks of our kids engaging with technology; it’s not hard to do and it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. When you have a few minutes to spare, educate yourself. Running a Google search on the impact of social media will give you lots of information. Listen to podcasts on the impact of screen time on developing minds. Arm yourself with information so that:

  • You will be more informed and able to make educated decisions about exactly what boundaries you want to put in place for your family.

  • You will be able to communicate this clearly and logically to your kids and you will be able to explain to your children why these boundaries are in their best interests. They may not like it, but at least they will appreciate that you are acting rationally and in their best interests (don’t expect them to express this to you…at least not as a child!)

2. What’s your goal?

In parenting there are usually two goals, there is the short-term and the long-term goal. When it comes to putting the kids to bed for example, there are two goals that we have. The short-term goal is – it’s been a long day, the kids (and you!) are overtired and you want them to get to sleep so they can have a good night’s sleep, and you can get some quiet time. The long-term goals may include that you want to teach them healthy sleep hygiene, you want them to feel loved and cared for, and you want them to be able to handle any fears or anxieties that come up when it comes to the end of their day and going to sleep. 

When it comes to technology it is helpful to get clarity on what your short-term and long-term goals are. For short-term goals ask yourself, what are the benefits of allowing my child to have screen time right now? What about screen time isn’t working for my family right now? What is my child missing out on because of their screen time? What happens when I ask my child to switch off from their device? Are we arguing about screen time too much? 

For the long-term goals, you have to think about what you want your child’s relationship with technology to be like when they are a teenager, when they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s etc? What skills do you think they need to have in order to navigate technology so that it doesn’t impact them negatively, whether that is physically, emotionally or spiritually, both through their teenage years and as an adult? 

We often think that our short-term goals get in the way of the long-term goals. However, the truth is that the best way to teach those long-term skills are in the day-to-day moments. Realize that the moments of conflict around screen time are actually teachable moments. If your child has trouble switching off from screen time and it always becomes a fight when you ask them to switch off, you can identify that a lifetime skill your child needs to learn is to put boundaries in place in terms of the time they spend scrolling. After all, we all know, or probably are, adults that spend too much time scrolling. The way we teach our child this lifetime skill is going to be through their daily interaction with technology.

For example, at a calm time you could have a conversation about how addictive technology is, you can point out that it is a billion dollar industry designed to keep us scrolling. If this is something you struggle with, you can share that even you find it hard to switch off, and you can talk about the impact it has in your life. You can then invite your child to brainstorm with you ways that would make it easier, you could come up with some ideas, e.g. determining a time you want to spend on it ahead of time and then setting a timer as a reminder to switch off. Or downloading an app that limits the time spent on the device. Give your child space to come up with solutions to help, and then you can implement. Through this process you are making the day-to-day family life easier and at the same time giving your child invaluable skills that they will need for life.

3. In it for the long haul

The important thing to know is that there is no quick fix here. There is no single filter you can download or install that will sort technology out for your kids and your family. They may be helpful as part of what needs to be done, but most importantly you have to be committed to teaching your child the life skills they need to navigate technology in our fast paced world. That is done through starting and continuing conversations with your child. Make it clear to your children that they can talk to you about what goes on on their screens, even when they have broken rules, so that you can help keep them safe.

Get comfortable with dialogue about technology with your child, even when this constitutes your child calling you out on your technology use! Of course, as a parent your job is to teach your child to engage in respectful dialogue with you as a parent. When our children see us constantly engaging in improving our use of technology, this serves as a powerful role model for our kids to grow up committed to engaging with technology in a healthy way.

When our children see us constantly engaging in improving our use of technology, this serves as a powerful role model for our kids to grow up committed to engaging with technology in a healthy way.

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