Letters to the Editor
Do you have something to say? We’d love to hear from you. Please send your (brief) letters to the editor to: editor@unorthoboxed.com.
Here are this month’s letters to the editor. To see letters published in previous months, click on the the links below.
Dear Editor,
Re: the “No Hiding Allowed, Tummy” column that appears in your recent [November] issue, any article that offers sartorial tips for dressing (hiding it or not) my tummy is also offering commentary on the undesirability of said tummy. The column also comments on how said tummy might have become so pronounced, suggesting overindulgence over the holidays. This, too, is unhealthy judgment.
I have reached the age at which my tummy seems here to stay, as much as I eat healthy and work out regularly. Telling me not to hide it while also pointing out its existence is body shaming, even if that was not the column’s intent.
Let’s please embrace a more positive message and help one another love who we are.
Signed,
Embracing My Jiggles in New Jersey
Dear Editor,
I am very disappointed in the article Meira Schneider-Atik wrote for UNORTHOBOXED most recently [November edition].
No matter how many times an author says, “Don’t be ashamed of your tummy!” if they subsequently tell people to downplay that tummy in the way we dress, that author is telling people to be ashamed of our tummies.
The message comes across as particularly judgmental when coming from a woman who is clearly not plus-sized. The last I checked, I weighed 205 lbs. Ms. Schneider-Atik is clearly not, no matter how much she includes herself in the category of “women with tummies.”
Let people deal with our flabby bellies however we want. Ironically, it’s when I wear my workout clothes–the only time I wear anything even remotely tight, because I prefer loose clothing for physical comfort/coziness–that people inevitably tell me I must have lost weight. This occurs EVEN WHEN I HAVE PUT ON WEIGHT. It has more to do with our assumptions about someone who is happy and engaged in joyful movement than with my actual girth (“Fat lady is happy–she must have lost weight!” or “She’s exercising–she must be trying to lose weight!”). But I’m not only happy when I look slim, and I’m not only happy when I’ve lost weight, and I don’t need another article to give me complex about what other people see when they look at my chubby belly when I am doing just fine minding my business.
Thank you for your attention,
Writer’s response:
First, thank you both for writing.
Second, please be aware that I am not your mother nor am I the fashion police. I’m a wardrobe stylist and personal shopper and style writer who writes articles for women who want to use clothing and accessories to look their best. No one is forcing you to read these articles, let alone to follow my tips and suggestions. If you don’t like the ideas presented here, feel free to ignore them. If you do follow my tips, I believe you will look your best. We should never be ashamed of our bodies, no matter what size or shape, and every body deserves to look its best.
To Embracing My Jiggles, I also wrote that tummies are not only normal, but that they can come from many other things that have nothing to do with overindulgence, such as body structure, remnants from pregnancy and childbirth, and posture issues (the latter is my main issue). The truth is that most women do have tummies and there’s nothing wrong with that. But another truth is that most women don’t want their tummies to be a focal point of their look and those women shouldn’t feel ashamed for that preference. Your body deserves to look its best, jiggles or no jiggles.
To Rebecca… THANK YOU. The fact that you think that I’m skinny and have no tummy means my tips and tricks really do work. But please keep in mind that my advice is for women of all sizes, not just plus-sized and not just those who are more slender.
In your letter, you acknowledge that when you wear clothes that are fitted and body-conscious, you get compliments. There’s nothing ironic about that. In fact, that’s exactly what I tell my clients and my readers. So thank you again for showing that my tips and tricks do work. By contrast, when you wear anything oversized, it sends the message you are ashamed of your body and want to hide it.
There’s a big difference between “I’m ashamed of my tummy (or any other body part)” and “I don’t want my tummy to be a focal point.” The latter is a reality for most women. If you like your tummy and want to play it up, then do that! My tips and tricks here are for women who don’t want to do that and they shouldn’t feel ashamed of that either. But along with “no woman should be ashamed of having a tummy,” I also wrote that no woman should hide her body under anything oversized. If you choose to read “don’t hide your body” as “you should be ashamed of your body,” then that’s on you.
If feeling good about our bodies (or anything else about ourselves, for that matter) were that simple, then therapists would be out of business. One thing that does help, in my experience, is wearing clothes and accessories that are fitted and flattering so that women can really see how beautiful their bodies actually are.
In the end, what you wear is your choice, but if you want help in dressing in ways that help you look your best, I’m here for you.
Either way, hatzlachah to both of you.
Editor’s note: While we understand the essence of what both of these letters are saying, there are a couple of issues that need clarification. First of all, a style column is about dressing in a way that is considered attractive within societal norms. If you don’t want anyone telling you what to wear, then a style column is not for you. Secondly, in this particular article, the author, Style Writer Meira Schneider-Atik is not making a judgment call on whether or not large tummies are good or bad. What she is doing is speaking to the fact that MOST women want to de-emphasize their tummies, and explaining the best way to do that. If you want to emphasize your tummy, then this bit of advice is not for you, just as a column on how to dress a petite frame is not for tall women – it’s not a judgment call, it’s advice in a particular area of fashion and style.
As we have said in the past, we publish articles on a wide variety of topics – if something is not of interest to you, you do not have to click on it.
To read previous letters to the Editor, click the links below: