No Hiding Allowed – For Single Women…
Written by Meira Schneider-Atik
Myth: If a woman is single and looking to get married, she needs to lose weight and have a certain look.
Truth: All women need to work on themselves and their well-being in good, healthy, productive ways.
Many years ago, my mother-in-law told me about a friend who does shidduchim (matchmaking). This friend was working with a young man and my mother-in-law mentioned a local young woman as a possible match. The friend asked, “Is she a size 2?” My mother-in-law responded, “No, she’s normal.”
This issue has been going around in the Jewish community. There are young men who want women who are super-thin, among other things. I find it appalling that so many shadchanim (matchmakers) just give in to it instead of telling these men to get their heads on straight. I also find it appalling when there are ads about weight loss aimed at single women as if this demand for a small size is something healthy.
Let me be clear- no woman has a bad body or face. Every woman has her own unique beauty and she deserves to enjoy it and to wear clothes and accessories that celebrate it. There are good, healthy, productive things that every woman can and should do for herself, and by doing them, a single woman prepares herself for marriage in the best possible ways. So here are seven things you can can do to be the the best “you” possible:
Eat right. This does not mean to eat less. It means eating good foods that give your body the fuel it needs. Vegetables, fruits, good carbohydrates, protein, and healthful fats are all part of that. And the occasional bit of less-nutritious food, like chocolate cake, is fine. The goal is to eat for good health, not for a number on the scale or the label. The healthier you are, the easier it is to look great.
Exercise. Find a couple of exercises that you enjoy and make time to do them. The best exercise for you is the one that you will do! I love yoga. My dad likes jogging. You might like basketball, swimming, or Pilates. Just make time for what you like. And take advantage of unplanned exercise such as walking or riding a bike instead of taking the car, or taking the stairs
instead of the elevator. I’ve been an exercise enthusiast since I was in high school, in part thanks to an instructor who says that you exercise to feel good. How right she is!
Work with your doctors. It’s all about health. Get regular checkups and make sure everything is working properly. If you are at an unhealthy weight, ask your doctors for ideas on how to get it under control. Only your doctors can know if you’re actually unhealthy or not – being plus-size does not necessarily mean that you’re at an unhealthy weight and being underweight can be unhealthy too. Know your family medical history and make sure your doctors know it too so that they can recommend any needed tests and procedures at the right times.
Dress well. Try to always wear clothes that fit and flatter your unique body, face, and coloring. Even casual clothing, like jeans skirts and t-shirts, can be wonderful when they fit and they’re in a good shape that makes you appear healthy. Weed out your wardrobe about every six months. Get rid of anything that isn’t wearable. If something can be fixed, get it fixed. Use your good, flattering items to get creative and put together “new” outfits. Weed out your accessories too and use the good ones that you love to help with those “new” outfits. Putting on a clean, neat, flattering outfit should be as easy as opening your closet and/or drawers and grabbing the first things your hands touch.
Make time for basic grooming. Every morning, make some time to brush your teeth, wash your face, and apply lip balm and light moisturizer with sunscreen. Every night, make some time to
remove your makeup, brush your teeth, wash your face, and apply lip balm and any lotions and potions that your skin needs. Make time for showering and basic hair care too. Work WITH your hair’s natural movement- you do not need to curl straight hair or straighten curly hair. Basic grooming leaves you feeling clean and fresh even if you’re not feeling well otherwise.
Do good things for yourself. Work hard in school. If you have a specific career goal, get whatever training you need to get there. Once you have a job, do the best you can at it during working hours. Once working hours are over, get out and do other things. If you enjoy basketball, do that. If you like painting, do that. If you like changing the oil in your car, do that as needed and consider auto mechanics as a career- it’s great to make money doing what you enjoy. Find some volunteer work that means something to you and get involved. These things are all good for you in general, but they also provide great conversation pieces for dating. Plus, when you spend your time doing the things you love, it shows on your face and posture – automatically making you appear more beautiful to others.
Know what to answer. If a shadchan ever asks about your size or weight, here’s a good answer: “I’m healthy and I take care of myself. If the guy wants to know anything beyond that, he has to meet me and get to know me. If he’s not willing to do that, then he’s not husband material and he’s not worthy of me or my family.” Feel free to quote me on this one.
Ladies, please remember to take good care of yourselves and don’t try to change anything about yourselves for anyone else.
There are good, healthy, productive things that every woman can and should do for herself, and by doing them, a single woman prepares herself for marriage in the best possible ways.
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