Managing the Challenges of Long Shabbat and Yom Tov Afternoons

Jun 1, 2022 | Advice, Shabbat

Written by Hannah Heller

There is nothing like that feeling of relief and relaxation when we light Shabbat candles on Friday night. We have turned off all the technology and school and work commitments. It’s a 25-hour opportunity to tune out the rest of the world and to focus on family and friends who are with us in person.

 

After praying Kabbalat Shabbat either at home or in the synagogue, we enjoy a festive meal followed by relaxation and hopefully a good night’s sleep. We wake up on Shabbat morning and our activities are similar. Praying either in shul or at home followed by another festive meal with family and/or friends. After lunch, however, we lose some of the structure. 

On a short winter day, one can take a quick nap, read or take a walk (weather permitting) after which Shabbat ends and we make Havdalah. But what happens in the spring and summer is another story. Somehow the feelings of relaxation start to fade when we realize that Shabbat doesn’t end until around 9:00 p.m. or later. Some people start Shabbat early on Friday night in the summer so that they don’t end up eating dinner so late. However, we are not permitted to end Shabbat early and we have to wait until it is dark outside. This becomes even more difficult in parts of the world where it doesn’t get dark until 11:00 p.m. or later. 

How do we keep the warmth of the Shabbat candles glowing on a long Shabbat afternoon? While the physical flame dies out in a few hours on Friday night, the idea of Shabbat is that we experience great meaning and spirituality throughout the entire time. But what usually happens? We are human beings and we get restless, especially when we think about what the rest of the world is doing, what we could be doing, or what we will be doing when Shabbat is finally over. Those of us who work in the secular world might have declined an office picnic or barbecue because it was going to take place on Shabbat and it wasn’t within walking distance. We might be craving a food that we did not have time to cook before Shabbat. Perhaps we are

worried about school or work projects and are anxious to get started on them. Maybe we want to go out for pizza and ice cream or simply socialize with friends. Perhaps we want to organize and pack for a Sunday outing. 

Filling the hours of Shabbat with meaningful activities is the key. A long Shabbat afternoon can include a longer nap, a walk, reading a great book, visiting friends, and, if you have young children, play dates or going to a playground. 

But what happens when it is pouring rain and it is totally impractical to go outside to visit friends? This can be a time to hunt down forgotten books and toys. I remember one very rainy Shabbat when my kids were little. We went through a box of old toys and had a lot of fun remembering them and playing with them again. Perhaps you have books on your bookshelves that you forgot were in your house. There are also magazines for entertainment and relaxation. 

Another key piece of the puzzle is parents taking turns caring for and entertaining the children. On long summer days, fathers should choose one shiur (class) they really want to attend and then spend the rest of the time with the family. Shabbat afternoon should be a time when the entire family can spend time together and men can spend quality time with their wives and children. Shiurim can be enlightening and spiritual, but only when a family does not feel neglected. 

Creative ways of studying the parsha at home can be helpful. Some people will have a discussion group about the parsha of the week or about Ethics of the Fathers on Shabbat afternoon in their homes, where the adults can

 

study together and the kids can play nearby. The key is to create an environment where the whole family can participate together.  The same idea can be done with groups of singles, not only warding off the loneliness, but maybe even finding their soulmate there. 

When my late husband was in his last few months of life, several friends would come over to visit on Shabbat afternoon. We all looked forward to these visits. After he died the visits stopped. It was up to us to find something else with which to fill our time. Living in a vibrant Jewish community, we had places to go and people to visit. It was not the same, but we still managed to enjoy Shabbat. 

I have fond memories of when my kids became old enough to keep themselves happy on Shabbat. My son enjoyed rearranging his football and baseball cards. My daughter enjoyed reading novels and she would often read an entire book on a Shabbat afternoon. The Harry Potter series kept both of them entertained and we had a lot of fun with these books as we talked about the stories and the characters.

Long Shabbat afternoons can be a challenge, and even more so on two-day holidays, or when two-day holidays back onto Shabbat creating essentially a three-day holiday. With a little bit of forethought and preparation, we can be ready for long periods of downtime. Pre-arranging time to be with others and having Shabbat-appropriate activities ready will make the time pass more enjoyably. But most of all we must remember that it is okay if not every moment is planned for. We need to learn to make friends with long Shabbat and Yom Tov afternoons and see the beauty in the quiet.

We are human beings and we get restless, especially when we think about what the rest of the world is doing, what we could be doing, or what we will be doing when Shabbat is finally over.

More From Hannah Heller

Related Articles

Related