No Hiding Allowed – 2 Looks for Mommies

There’s a prevalent myth that when I (or any fashion and style guru) tell people to wear fitted and flattering clothes, that means that people have to get dressed up fancy. That’s not entirely true. There are situations that call for fancier dress but most of us live casual lifestyles with a lot of casual situations that don’t call for fancy dress. Casual situations do call for casual dress. And we deserve to feel comfortable in our clothes no matter what. But casual ≠ sloppy. Clothing can be casual and comfortable AND fitted and flattering. 

Nowhere does this apply more than with mothers. We’ve been led to believe that the need to wear clothes that accommodate the active mommy lifestyle means not wearing fitted, flattering clothes. The truth is that we moms do need to be comfortable because of all we do. And we deserve that comfort. But we moms do not need to sacrifice flattery and style for the sake of comfort and function. 

When your children are infants and toddlers, it’s important to remember that you are a real human being who needs care and not just a maid and a nurse. Part of self-care is dressing in a way that makes you feel beautiful.

When your children are school-age, you are inviting other people to join your children’s caring team – teachers, administrators, and special-needs providers (if needed). While you want your team to be comfortable and work together well, you are the commander-in-chief of the team and dressing to command respect can help you boost your confidence. 

When your children are teenagers, you have to set two examples. One is that tzniut (modesty/dignity) is beautiful. The other is that growing up and getting older is nothing to fear. Your children do notice your example even as teenagers. 

There are two important looks that all moms need in their arsenal. One is the All-Around Confident Mom look and the other is the Confident Power Mom look. I call these looks and not outfits because the specifics have to be tailored to each individual mom. But there are guidelines for them.

The All-Around Confident Mom look is perfect for school open houses, school events like plays, and routine parent-teacher meetings. It’s somewhat casual and approachable but it also commands the respect you deserve. 

For the AACM look, start with a color taken from your irises. That’s the color that needs to be as close to your face as possible. When you wear colors that match your eyes, you appear more trustworthy, soft and not aggressive. And they direct people to look you in the eye. Since everyone’s irises are different, every mom has to find the iris colors that work for her. My eyes are hazel with a lot of green and brown so I use those colors a lot, but your irises may have blues, greens, golds, and more. 

The easiest way to use your iris color is to wear it as an accent to a base of classic neutrals. If you wear dark neutrals head-to-toe or light neutrals head-to-toe, you can add your iris color as an underpinning (with a neutral overtop), as an overtop (with a neutral shell), or as an accessory like a scarf. Try to avoid midtone neutrals because they don’t have as strong a presence as the dark or the light ones. Using neutrals as a base is easier because you need fewer items in your wardrobe in general. But if you have a dress or top-and-bottom in one of your iris colors, there’s nothing wrong with wearing those. 

If you like denim, it looks great in a fitted skirt or dress as long as it’s evenly washed. Just make sure you add your iris color near your face. If denim blue is an iris color for you, make sure it’s as close to your face as possible. If denim blue is not an iris color for you, then any denim you wear must be either very dark or white.  

To keep the iris color near your face, it’s best to wear it in the highest neckline that still flatters you. If you look good in turtlenecks, then now is the time to wear one in your iris color. If you’re like me and most others and you need a more open neckline, then go with a jewel neckline. It’s high enough but it won’t obscure the neck. 

The Confident Power Mom look is perfect for school interviews and for meetings with special-needs providers. It’s similar to the All-Around Confident Mom look but with some added structure and drama to command just a little more authority and respect. 

First, if you’re using a neutral base, it’s best to use dark neutrals as the base and not lighter ones. Darker neutrals are more dramatic and more authoritative. Second, you need more structured tops. While softer, unstructured tops like cardigans and knit overtops can work for the AACM look, they won’t work for the CPM look. You need a jacket or a button-down shirt. If you want a dress, a shirtdress is the best because of its inherent structure.