The Coaching Corner: The Whac A-Mole Process, Part 2 – It’s all in the CARDS

Mar 5, 2023 | Coaching Corner, Personal Growth

Written by Penina Taylor

In Part 1, we talked about how transformation is an ongoing process and how the key to winning the amusement park game Whac-a-Mole can give us some insight into the best ways to deal with the fact that things will come up from time to time. Now we look at methods for dealing with them.

When dealing with the moles that come up in our lives, it’s helpful to use the acronym, CARDS.

C – Challenge the thought (also called cognitive restructuring)

First, try to figure out where this is coming from and then ask yourself a reframing question. In some cases, the appropriate question might be, “What else can this mean?” In other situations you might need to give more of a benefit of the doubt. Is it possible you’re not seeing the whole picture? Maybe you weren’t invited to the event simply because the coordinator doesn’t know who you are yet. Maybe that person didn’t realize that you needed help. Maybe you need to work your way up from the bottom because it is giving you skills you need for something else…

The two most powerful words in your mindset arsenal are “what if.” In the case of challenging a thought, sometimes you can reframe the question – what if – it is not as it appears?  What if – I simply need to reach out to the coordinator?  What if – I’m actually on the list but they haven’t gotten to me yet….you get the idea.

A – Affirmation

If there’s a particular thought or feeling that repeatedly comes up and you know where it’s coming from, you can create a set of affirmations that you can use to recenter yourself. 

Some affirmations you might find helpful:

  1. I am worthy of happiness and love.
  2. I listen to my personal needs and wants.
  3. I accept and love the person that I am and who I am becoming.
  4. I have abilities and talents that are totally unique to me.
  5. I am constantly changing and can grow into whomever and whatever I want.
  6. Good things are happening in my life and I am deserving of them.
  7. I am thankful that my life is filled with wonderful things.
  8. I have a past but I’m not my past. I live in each moment so I can enjoy life to the fullest.
  9. When I choose to prioritize myself and my desires, I am not selfish for doing so.
  10.  I am strong and I choose to walk in confidence.

R – Recreate the reality (also called creative anticipation)

Imagery exercises or visualizations are powerful tools that can be used when you have a lot of time, or a little. Once you are practiced in this exercise, it becomes easier to do in short form. There are three principles that affect why this is such a powerful tool:

  1. The brain doesn’t know the difference between what we experience in our mind and what we physically experience – so when we learn to create experiences or scenarios in our mind, we can lower our anxiety, anticipate outcomes, and prepare ourselves for situations.  
  2. Our thoughts create reality – whether you believe that it’s because of the Divine Spark within us, or simply the way the universe works, it’s been shown that when we think a certain way about things, we can change the way things play out. So, by using our mind’s ability to envision a situation, we can alter the outcome of events.
  3. Resonance and broadcasting – when we re-envision a situation with a desired outcome, we can change the way we react to a person or situation and they will respond in kind.

Start by closing your eyes and focusing on the reality you want instead of the reality you are currently experiencing that brought up this feeling. Let’s use the example of being passed over for a job. You are disappointed, yes, but you are also maybe feeling “not good enough.” So what is the new reality you want to create? Perhaps not only that you receive a job offer, but that you receive several and that you have your pick of positions because you are highly valued for your skills and what you bring to any company that is lucky enough to get you. You can do this visualization in a variety of ways, but a good one is to see yourself going to many interviews and being offered the position on the spot. Stop and feel the pride and contentment at being so valued and in-demand. Perhaps visualize the emails you are getting and then deciding which one you want to take. There are actually so many ways you can do this, but you’ve gotten the idea. Sit with that feeling for as long as you want to. When you are ready and feeling the confidence in your core, you can end the exercise.

D – Disrupt the pattern

As you’ll see, D and S really go hand in hand. What does it mean to disrupt the pattern?  There are a variety of ways that you can do this. First of all, don’t click on the link. When you are on the internet, let’s say Facebook, although it happens everywhere – the algorithm decides that you need to see something, so it shows you an ad. You have a choice to scroll on by or click on the link. If you click on the link, guess what you are going to start seeing more of? Ads for either that product or other similar products.  That’s because the algorithm is designed to give you more of what gets your attention.  And, the more time you spend on a particular link, the more you get others like that, too.

Your brain is designed to do something very similar. The more you focus on something, the more of that something you will get. The more attention you give to a thought, the more you are going to see that thought. So the first way to disrupt the pattern is to learn not to click. Now, this isn’t always so easy, especially if it’s something you’ve been clicking on for a long time.

Another way to disrupt the pattern is to do something that changes your brain chemistry. Now there are a wide variety of ways to do this; one method therapists and coaches will use is called breaking state. When working with a client who is getting too much into their head, the therapist will say something totally ridiculous which brings their attention back to the therapist and out of the pattern. A strategy that Tony Robbins uses is to say something totally inappropriate that shocks the person out of their head. I’ve seen him drop the F bomb, sure, but he has also been known to ask a sexual question that throws the person for a loop. Do whatever you need to, to change your brain chemistry. For yourself, shocking language isn’t an option, but some good options are:

Change your location – for example, if you are inside, going outside, especially if there is a drastic change in temperature. Start singing. Breathing work, exercise, a piece of chocolate – no, not a whole cake or even a candy bar – we are not talking about dealing with thoughts by eating. I am talking about a small piece of something sweet to disrupt the pattern of thought. Splashing water on your face. There are so many ways to change your brain chemistry when you find yourself in a loop of limiting or negative beliefs screaming in your head. It’s helpful to make a list ahead of time and have it somewhere either in your phone or if you have a physical planner you can write it in, that’s even better – that way you don’t have to give it much thought, just pick one and go for it.

S – Sensory input  

Like I said, this really goes along with D –  it distracts you out of where you are at – pick up an ice cube, splash water on your face. Go walk barefoot on the beach – or the grass. Play a really loud, energetic piece of music. Brush your hair. Pet an animal. Our senses are directly tied to our pleasure center.  When you activate the pleasure center in your brain, you change your brain chemistry and your thought patterns.

Yes, the moles will keep coming, but with the right tools, you can learn to deal with them in a healthy way, and even begin to see them appear less often.

The more attention you give to a thought, the more you are going to see that thought.

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