Our Love-Hate Relationship With Pesach

Apr 1, 2022 | Holidays, Jewish thought and practice

Written by Hannah Heller

It’s the Halloween season and the atmosphere is one of ghosts, witches, goblins and other scary-looking creatures. As Orthodox Jews, we don’t celebrate this holiday and none of these things bother us at all. However, at any time of year, the mention of one word will often instill a sense of terror in even the most stalwart of Jewish women. What is this word? Passover or Pesach, of course!

Why is a holiday celebrating our freedom from slavery one that causes us so much fear and anxiety? We are commanded to remember the way the Jews left Egypt in the middle of the night, their bread dough not having enough time to rise. We commemorate the miracles God performed for us as we finally left slavery behind after 210 years. We are instructed to remove all traces of “chametz” (leavening) to emphasize the importance of these miracles. Keeping this mitzvah has translated into kashering the oven, covering the stovetop, cleaning and covering kitchen counters, using different dishes, eating utensils and cookware from the rest of the year. If cabinet space in the kitchen is limited, as it is for me and for many others, this often means schlepping boxes of Pesach stuff from another part of the house, usually a basement or attic. 

Over the years, additional stringencies have been added, causing even more anxiety. I may not be a rabbinic scholar, but somehow I don’t think that God, Moses, Aaron and our ancient great sages had in mind the kinds of Pesach preparations we see today. 

I remember decades ago, our local Orthodox rabbi reminding us that dirt is not chometz. You may feel that as long as you are cleaning for Pesach, you’ll clean all the high surfaces where you never have food and areas you rarely, if ever, use. You may want every room in your home to be sparkling clean. If you decide to take this on, know that this is not Pesach cleaning. It could be called spring cleaning or just wanting a new look. It’s fine, but it’s not what needs to get done for Pesach and it’s not necessary.

There is no easy way out of Pesach, but it need not cause the level of stress and anxiety that we often experience. A simpler option may seem to be just closing up your house and spending the holiday with family and friends out of town, but then you have to pack and organize for your being away. It may also mean being crowded in someone else’s home and not in an environment that is comfortable for you. You will also be on a different schedule which may not be suitable for your needs. If you go to a hotel, you also have to pack and organize. Then, you have to deal with being dependent on hotel staff for your basic needs. Your hotel room may or may not be

comfortable and may be too small a space if you are with your family, especially with young children. You will hopefully meet nice people at the hotel, but you may or may not connect with them.

Staying home involves making your home Kosher for Passover, which can end up being much less stressful than the other options. Still, celebrating Passover means getting out of our usual comfort zones. Since we are creatures of habit, a holiday that involves so many changes is something we naturally want to resist. 

Our ancestors had to deal with the challenges of transformation from slavery to freedom. As we study Bible stories beyond the Exodus from Egypt, we see the challenges the people faced as they traveled through the desert. It turned out that the generation of people who were slaves in Egypt did not have enough faith and trust in God to be able to achieve the mentality to make it into Israel. This achievement belonged to their children and to future generations. 

While it is nice if your house is shining and every speck of dirt is gone, you need to consider if it’s really worth causing so much dread and fear. Using fancy dishes for Pesach is a great enhancement of the holiday. However, if it’s going to cause you a tremendous amount of stress with schlepping them into the kitchen and keeping them clean, especially after Seders that end late at night, it may not be worth it. Disposable plates may be a more viable option and they are now made more colorful and decorative to add to the holiday atmosphere. And for those concerned about the waste, there are plenty of sustainable disposable options available today as well.

Is the priority of the holiday to remove every trace of dirt or to have meaningful Seders and Yom Tov meals? To enter the Seder feeling tired, angry and resentful negates the entire purpose of the holiday. At the Seder, we strive to truly get into the Exodus story and feel like we ourselves left Egypt. Some people do a lot of creative activities, especially to engage young children. Perhaps it’s more important to enjoy the essence and meaning of the holiday than to get so lost in preparation that we can’t stay awake for the Seder.

 

How can we make this holiday less stressful? Let’s get down to the basics. Think about where you actually have food that is chametz. For me, it’s in the kitchen, dining room, living room and in my car. It is easy to forget about our vehicles in the anxiety about the house. As a commuter, I eat in my car a lot and this is an area on which to focus. It might simplify Pesach if we decide that for the rest of the year we will have chametz only in certain areas of the house. Since I struggle with late-night eating, I don’t bring food into my bedroom, as a policy. While it’s nice to clean my bedroom as part of the preparations, I realize that no chametz gets in there, so there’s no need to deep clean there. The bookcases that often aren’t used, the storage room and closets and drawers that you rarely go into may not actually need to be cleaned specifically for Pesach. Checking areas that you do use is what is important. Pockets of clothing where you might have carried chametz, purses, briefcases and tote bags are all important areas to clean. This doesn’t mean they have to be shining clean; it just means that chametz has to be removed from them. If we clean our kitchens for Shabbat each week and don’t allow our garbage cans to accumulate debris, there is less work to do to make the house Kosher for Passover. 

For Pesach of 2020, when the COVID-19 pandemic had just begun, we found that we had to experience Pesach in a different way and in less than ideal conditions. Perhaps it caused many of us to really examine the essence of the holiday. We may not have been happy about social distancing and being separated from family and friends, but we still managed to observe the holiday. Now that we can be together again, let’s really enjoy it and focus on what is really important. 

Let’s make this year a Passover where we say farewell to the feelings of dread associated with its preparation. Instead, let’s make this a holiday that we can anticipate with happiness. We are commanded to serve God with joy – “Ivdu Et Hashem B’Simcha” – and it is a mitzvah to be happy, “Mitzvah Gedolah L’hiyot B’Simcha.”  We can make this happen if we are willing to change our mindsets about Pesach. Being able to do this will transform not only our Pesach experiences but also our energy level throughout the year.

Chag Sameach!

Now that we can be together again, let’s really enjoy it and focus on what is really important.

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