Securely Attached to God

Before we discuss what that means, let’s understand what exactly we mean when we use the term “relationship”. A relationship is simply the way in which any two or more people, concepts, or objects are connected. A connection itself is not difficult to achieve – there simply needs to be an interaction of some sort. Obviously, the challenge exists in creating a connection that is beneficial and positive to all parties. In other words, the interactions need to be mostly positive experiences. 

In the mid 1900s, John Bowlby, a renowned psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, did significant research on attachment formations between infants and their mothers and developed what is known as Attachment Theory. The theory essentially revolves around the concept that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to their children, especially very early on in life, allow their children to develop a strong sense of security and trust. This, in turn, provides the child with the knowledge that the caregiver is reliable; the caregiver is what is then referred to as the child’s “secure base” from which he can explore the world, and “safe haven” to which he can return in times of distress. 

Between the work of John Bowlby and developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth, three styles of attachment were identified. These are secure, anxious, and avoidant. Each style develops based on one’s earliest relationship experiences. 

Securely attached individuals are generally those who experienced their parents as a secure base and safe haven and felt they could turn to them in good times and bad. Their parents were responsive to their needs, provided consistent physical and emotional closeness, warmth, and affection, and thereby ensured a sense of secure attachment within them well into adulthood. 

Anxiously attached individuals are those who experienced parents who were more preoccupied with their own emotional needs than they were with their child’s. This resulted in

the individual developing a constant state of uncertainty regarding their parent’s love. This doubt of whether or not others love them usually stays with them as they enter other relationships in adulthood. 

Avoidantly attached individuals are typically the most extreme of the three. This occurs when a child’s parent is cold, distant, neglectful, or abusive, and the child never felt like his or her needs were being met. As adults, they become shut down, withdrawn from closeness, and are uncomfortable with intimacy.

Our relationship or lack thereof with God is extremely parallel to the one we develop with our parents. Both in the Torah and across the literature, God Himself has been portrayed as an attachment figure. God in Torah is regularly regarded as a father figure; He requests that we turn to Him in need and rely on Him for strength and support. Research suggests that the intimate relationship that many human beings have with God falls completely in line with the defining criteria of attachment. In the Journal of Sociology, Rowatt and Kirkpatrick (2002) studied these theories and revealed the breakdown. To believers, God can be viewed as their secure base and safe haven. The concept of God as an attachment figure is consistent with most religious beliefs in that the perceived availability and responsiveness of a loving God is a fundamental dynamic of most of the world’s religions, both Jewish and others. 

The three types of attachment styles that people tend to develop based on their early experiences with their primary caregivers can apply to individuals’ relationships with God as well. It is possible to be securely, anxiously, or avoidantly attached to God, and it is even possible that the attachment styles we form with God are consistent with the ones we tend to develop with other people. 

Those that are securely attached to God typically have a strong sense of self, and understand and believe that they are loved by God and that He has their best interests at heart. They perceive